Babies will undoubtly change the dynamic of a relationship in plently of unexpected ways. Its good to be aware of your feelings and avoid these common pitfalls to avoid misplacing blame and frustration. Here are five bad assumptions I have personally made, and heard from other new moms, about our baby daddies.
#1: Work is a "break" for them
Why it's not true: It's called WORK. They are not sitting around picking their noses all day. When they clock out from work they come home and clock in for Dad duty. Often times snagging up baby for a few hours while Mom makes dinner, gets bottles and pump parts together, folds laundry, or if she is lucky gets our for some exercise.
#2: They pretend they can't hear when the baby wakes at night. This one makes me contemplate murdering the man. Why can't he hear the baby crying, or can he? Does he just think this is my job?!
Why you shouldn't murder your husband: They are the father of your child and you'll miss them. Ok, I really don't understand why they cant hear baby at night but they don't do it intentionally.
#3: Men have it SO easy! They get more sleep, their boobs don't hurt, they are not carring a donut around their waist, and they certainly are no slave to a feeding schedule.
Why it's not entirely true: They would do more if they could. I know my husband felt entirely useless in the hopsital and the first few weeks at home when Marley wanted to nurse around the clock. Dads can feel a bit jealous that we can bond with baby in a way they can't. They typically don't get much time off and have to return to work a couple weeks after their babies arrive and that's really hard on them when all they want is to spend more time with their new little family.
#4: They play dumb
Why it's not intentional: When the baby won't stop crying, or spits up all over and they look at you with fear in their eyes and say, "take her! You're better at it." Well, duh, we are better at this, but really, they are not with baby as much so we ought to cut them some slack. When Dad hits a roadblock, use it as an opportunity to share your knowledge rather than jumping to the conclusion he is trying to get out of something.
#5: If Mom stays home she is now responsible for EVERYTHING
Why it's not true: How am I supposed to take care of the baby AND keep the house clean, wash dishes, lose the baby weight, take a shower, do all the food shopping, and remember to send out Christmas cards? I don't want to imply that every new mother feels this way but I know I'm not alone. It's me who continually sets the bar too high when it comes to making sure everything is done perfectly, not my husband. Ask your man for support, he will more than likely be happy to help. You do not have to do everything yourself. I repeat, you do not have to do everything yourself.
Moms, next time you find yourself wanting to ring your man's neck, take a pause and make sure you're not assuming something about him. Dads, please keep in mind we just went through a pretty crazy life change too and sometimes we find ourselves all over the place and saying things we don't always mean.
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